


Dear Sherlock

by shag_me_senseless_watson



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: I'm bad at tags so I'll come back to these, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-09 04:17:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10403754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shag_me_senseless_watson/pseuds/shag_me_senseless_watson
Summary: After John's suicide, Sherlock sets about to clean John's room. While doing so, he comes across a box of little notes addressed to him. He falls in love with John all over again, except this time, it's with his memory.





	1. Gone

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing but the plot.

I know I shouldn't blame myself for him being gone, but I do. Every single day.

He told me once, that he wasn't okay. I tried to help him, but he insisted on doing this alone.

I begged and begged him to allow me to help, but he kept pushing me away. I didn't know what else to do.

My brother told me to leave him be, that he'll come to me when he's ready to - but how long before he's ready? How long before it's too late?

The answer is three days.

Three days I worried.  
Three days I paced.  
Three days I did not sleep.  
Three days I did not eat.  
Three days.

Gone.

Just like that, someone important to me leaves my life.

My best friend, the only one I was ever able to make, is gone from this world.

I can understand, truly I can. But I can't help but be angry. He just left. No note saying goodbye, no phone call, no texts. Nothing.

For three days.

I realize that I must grieve, and I believe that, in a way, I already have. All of these emotions are new to me, and it's all thanks to him. Not in a bad way, of course. I thank him immensely.

No, he taught me to empathize, to realize when I had done or said something wrong - he taught me compassion, and love, and friendship. He taught me to be human. He broke through my steel walls and fixed me; not that I was ever broken, mind - but he seemed to do more than ever I could.

The time comes where I must clean out his room, but I am unwilling to do so. I don't want another flatmate, nor will I be looking for one.

He was the only one that could ever fill the void.

He is irreplaceable.

Important.

Definitely not forgotten.

But I must do this.

I clear out his things, keeping some to myself. His jumpers, as ugly as I found them, always made me feel safe when wrapped in his arms.

The soft, fuzzy material rubbing against my face as I lay upon his chest never failed to make me feel content.

He would always run his fingers through my hair and complain that it was knotted. He joked about letting him wash it, but I always told him that I must do it a certain way, to which he would chuckle and say that I was ridiculous.

I'll never hear that again.

I cleaned out his closet and kept what I wanted.

I cleaned out his dresser and boxed what could leave.

I cleaned underneath his bed and found a small box, hidden at the back behind everything else.

It was addressed to me.

Inside were a bundle of notes, each folded in half so as not to be immediately seen. Each one contained my name scrawled in John's unruly handwriting.

The first one read:


	2. Your Eyes

_Dear Sherlock,_

 

_The moment I saw you in that room, Mike was invisible to me._

_You were all that I saw, all that I could focus on._

_Your eyes captured me, swallowed me whole._

_I could get lost in them when you were near, and I would have in that moment, had we been alone._

_They're so beautiful, just like you._

_I love you._

_Please never forget that._

_Yours ever,_  
_John_


	3. Your Heart

_Dear Sherlock,_

 

_I know you like to believe that you have no heart - that you're a complete machine, probably because people have told you so for a long time; but you are nothing like that._

_You have a heart - you just hide it away for the few people who you think deserve it._

_I'm glad to have been one of those people._

_Seeing you be happy over some kind of experiment was always the highlight of my day. You would just bound around the flat and I would watch with nothing but a pure smile on my face, thinking of how much I adore you._

_Promise me that you shall always stay happy. I don't ever want there to be a day when you are not. Even when mourning someone - don't think of the bad things and don't be sad all the time. Remember the good and remember to smile. After all, we'll see each other soon._

_I love you._

_As ever yours,_  
_John_


	4. Your Song

_Dear Sherlock,_

  
_Listening to you play the violin is like listening to the waves at a beach flow with the wind; it's beautiful._

_The way you sway along with the tune, unaware that you're even doing it, is adorable._

_Your fingers move as if it's their mission, and it's peaceful to watch. You're like a musical god - to me, anyways._

_You're beautiful, and so is your music._

_Remember the song you wrote for me to help me sleep? Well, I have a song for you, too. It describes how I felt before I told you I loved you. Look up Falling In Love (With My Best Friend)._

_I do._

_Yours,_   
_John_


	5. Your Smile

_Dear Sherlock,_

 

_Your smile is absolutely beautiful. If I could just make you smile 24/7, I would. But, I know you have your bad days._

_When you don't, though, it's just captivating. When you laugh at my corny jokes, or Mrs. Hudson being, well, Mrs. Hudson; it just makes me so incredibly happy to see your face light up like that._

_It's very rare that you smile so freely, so I'm honored to be the one who gets to see it happen the most. You are so beautiful, as is everything about you. I know I say that a lot, or probably don't say it enough, but it's absolutely true._

_I love you so much._

_Always yours,  
John_


	6. Your Laugh

_Dear Sherlock,_

 

_I could go on for hours about your laugh, but I only have so much room to write._

_The first time I heard you laugh, and I mean truly laugh, not those silent chuckles you do - I was mesmerized. I'd never heard something so beautiful. I wish you'd do it more often, even when I'm not around. You deserve happiness, love. Promise me that when you think of me you only think about the good, not the bad, okay?_

_I love you so much._

_With love,  
_ __John_ _


	7. Your Sadness

_Dear Sherlock,_

  
_I know that, while most of my notes address the good and happy things about you, I must address the bad and sad, as well._

_When you're upset, I hope that you will not turn to your greatest enemy. You worked so hard to throw it away and overcome the urges - I hope you don't go back, even when times are hard._

_Your sadness hurts me, and I hope that all I do to make you happy is worth it in the end. I know it is for me._

_Forever yours._

_John._


	8. Heartache

The rest of the notes are much of the same; he talks about my quirks, my habits, the good, the bad - everything.

When I finish reading them, I can't move.

John did everything in his power to make me happy. Of course I noticed, but did I really not give him thanks enough? I know he said to not feel sad, but I do. Constantly.

I put the notes back in the box and close the lid. Standing, I grab the box and hold it to my chest. A few tears make their way down my cheek, but I don't care.

I go to my bedroom, open the box, and take out every note. Going to the kitchen, I find some tape then go back and put a piece to the top of every note before placing them all over the flat.

Every corner I turn, I'm met with John's writing. I smile at each one and go about my day.

Each night I dream of John and place him in my mind palace. Whenever I'm feeling down or withdrawn, I just visit John and everything is okay again.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think? :)
> 
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated, but not required. ;P


End file.
